There are now three children that live in our house. Well, really, there are two children and a little cry-larvae, but the net result is that there are three things to take care of in the house. The math changes now.
All children are different. Some children are super easy and make it so that increasing their numbers in relation to the number of parents watching them won’t really make a difference. Some children are super hard and no matter how many adults are assisting, they will make things tough. But, in purely general terms, having one or two children is pretty straightforward for any one parent to manage. Three makes it tricky. Even in your best-case-scenario, you’re outnumbered.
So what has changed for us? What’s really different now that we have three? That will evolve over time, but here’s where it stands for now.
Big Brothers: So far, we’re not seeing too much trouble here. The boys are excited to have a little sister, but she can’t do anything so all of the “problems” of a little sibling are not a factor. She cannot move around. She cannot touch their stuff. They get home and they get cleaned up so they can take turns having her in their lap. Matthew wants to touch the baby every time he sees her. When she cries they try to give her little hugs and kisses and to tell her she’ll be okay. At every tiny noise she makes, they are convinced she is agreeing with something they have said, and every time she accidentally touches them with her flailing little limbs they think it’s both hilarious and a sure sign that she is trying to hold their hands or play with them. They both are excited for her to be older when they don’t need to be quite so careful about not touching her or getting her sick. It’s pretty cute.
Mommy: Life for Janelle goes on pause while she’s caring for the baby since her schedule for now is tied very closely to Maya’s sleep/feed schedule. Maya is still too little to really take her anywhere, and Janelle’s body is still recovering so even if she could be out for very long, she probably wouldn’t want to be. Even a solo trip to the grocery store for about an hour was pretty taxing. All things considered, though, she’s doing well. She’s not in a lot of pain, and Maya sleeps and eats well. So, while Janelle’s night is bisected by feeding, she’s been able to manage around six hours of sleep a night. There is a bit of expected emotional fallout that comes with your body reordering basically all of its hormones after a birth.
Daddy: During the day, my life goes on pause while I hang out at home taking care of little things and helping to shop and run errands and give Janelle breaks from the baby. I’m also trying to keep up with work from home to better enable me to both maintain more time at home and ensure that I will not be buried upon my return. Life for the boys does not slow down, though. The boys still have swim and gymnastics class in the morning and a birthday party in the evening and they need to get to Target to get some shopping done for that party and then the next day we have plans for a playdate and etc. etc. etc. So right away Janelle and I are working separate gigs. She will be stuck solo at home caring for an adorable-but-let’s-be-honest-pretty-boring baby while I’m out hoping that Matthew decides not to flip his shit over something while he’s at swim class.
Free Time: This is where the biggest hit is, at least for now. I know, big surprise, right? Evenings are fast. Boys get home with me around 5. Dinner is around 6. Upstairs to start bedtime around 7. Bedtime by 8. Normally this is where Janelle and I would relax… but now Janelle goes to bed essentially immediately (or as soon as Maya allows us to) and I follow suit shortly thereafter. This will be going on this way for at least several more weeks.
Weekends are hard. Our boys have always been tricky when they have too much unscheduled time, mostly because they cannot play together without fighting, so when they are home with us it’s basically a countdown to raised voices and crying. Not really something I spend my week looking forward to.
The Final Verdict: At this point things are not too much more difficult than I recall them being last time when we had Matthew. The boys will need to learn to entertain themselves a bit better on their own, but they haven’t really changed their behavior for the more difficult. It’s tough feeling like Janelle and I can’t team up as much as we normally would since we are more-or-less inseparable the rest of the time, but that will melt away with time.
Will be interesting to see how the dynamic shakes up with #4, #5 and the gay estranged teen you take in while he finishes up his violin lessons at Juilliard. 😉